The Good Fail Abra & Merle Hunt

Today we're delving into a recent personal experience in order to show you just how much the toolkit we've been putting together on this podcast can help us embrace failure. 
SO, WE WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU A REAL LIFE TALE OF THE GOOD FAIL IN ACTION.
At the beginning of March we travelled to the US to visit friends, right when Corona Virus chaos was ramping up in Europe and the States. In the wake of lockdown, the plan suffered!
HOW IS A STORY ABOUT OUR INTERRUPTED TRIP TO THE STATES RELEVANT TO OUR LISTENERS?
Our trip highlighted key things we’ve been discussing on the Good Fail over the last two series and we had to put many of our Good Fail techniques to practical use.
WHAT HAPPENED?
A lot! Plans had to be changed last minute, experiences we had imagined ourselves having were outright cancelled, expectations were foiled and the trip was cut short!
WOULD YOU CLASSIFY OUR TRIP AS A COMPLETE FAILURE?
It wasn’t a success in terms of meeting our expectations that’s for sure! We limped towards the finish line to make the most of the time and money we had spent but it was not the glorious confection we had imagined and our return home was stressful and lacked finality.
SO WHERE DID WE PUT THE GOOD FAIL INTO PRACTICE?
Despite everything, we did manage to find wonderful experiences in between but only through conscious effort. 
WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?
We were always going to have a lovely time with our friends but who knew what joy could be had from things not going as planned. We’re making important discoveries on our journey with this podcast. We’re not pros (yet!) but with conscious effort it really can change out lives.
WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?
Mooji’s A Simple, Powerful Prayer in Challenging Times on YouTube 
Teaching us how a simple thank you can shift our mindset dramatically. 
SUPPORT THE SHOW
You can become an official supporter of the show by joining our Good Fail club on Patreon. Visit: www.patreon.com/thegoodfail
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MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL...

Today we're exploring the idea of rewards, as described by author Gretchen Rubin, and asking whether it can be applied to The Good Fail?
CAN WE CLARIFY WHY WE’LL BE TALKING ABOUT REWARDS IN THIS EPISODE?
We read a book: Better Then Before by Gretchen Rubin. The way she talked about rewarding good behaviour clearly related to doing The Good Fail in our eyes.
CAN YOU EXPLAIN WHAT YOU’RE GOING ON ABOUT HERE?
We think a lot of people view success as a reward for hard work…we know we do! Even as we explore ways of accepting failure, we still feel like the reward for all that good failing will be success.
QUOTE (from Better Then Before by Gretchen Rubin)
“…I eventually concluded, rewards can actually be dangerous for habit formation…First, a reward teaches me that I wouldn’t do a particular activity for it’s own sake, but only to earn that reward; therefore, I learn to associate that activity with an imposition, a deprivation, or suffering.”
This clearly relates to how we view failure and success.
WHERE DOES THIS VIEW COME FROM?
Many aspects of our culture have rammed this idea home in the form of books, films and TV shows. Even the legacy of our ancestors may have had an impact. 
HOW CAN WE SWITCH OUR MINDSET ON THIS?
QUOTE (from Better Then Before by Gretchen Rubin)
“We are extrinsically motivated when we do an activity to get an external reward (a carrot) or to avoid an external punishment (a stick); we’re intrinsically motivated when we pursue an activity for its own sake. Drawing on intrinsic motivation makes us far more likely to stick to a behaviour, and find it satisfying.”
We need to see failure as worth experiencing and not as a means to the ultimate reward of success.
WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?
By practicing the Good Fail we can find reward enough in the process.
WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?
Better then Before by Gretchen Rubin
A book that helps find out how to work with your own strengths when forming new habits as well as showing us how to do The Good Fail better.
SUPPORT THE SHOW
You can become an official supporter of the show by joining our Good Fail club on Patreon. Visit: www.patreon.com/thegoodfail
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If you're not tired of us yet, you can also find us in these social places:
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a...

Today we're looking at the key role perseverance plays in doing the good fail and ask whether is is the real secret to success?
CAN WE DEFINE THAT FOR OUR LISTENERS? 
We give our own personal definition of perseverance, something we know quite a bit about after 10 years of striving to make a sustainable career for ourselves in the arts. 
WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT?
As individuals free from any overwhelmingly demonstrable signs of success we feel undeniably qualified to give you the lowdown here and after discussing just how fundamental perseverance is to not failing we also cover why we haven’t brought it up until series 3! 
DOES PERSEVERANCE LEAD TO SUCCESS?
When we feel like giving up all our ambitions because it seems easier then continuing not achieving what we want most, the thought that persevering might be the magic door that inevitably leads us to our dreams of success is pretty tantalising right?! We let our listeners in on how likely that is as a theory and how much it’s an absence of abject failure. 
SHOULD EVERYONE PERSEVERE MORE? 
It’s important to know why you’re persevering: Is it the expectations of others driving you to persevere at something you don’t want? Or is it something that you can find joy in even when you also want to give up on it? Persevering may not always be the right answer. Here Merle explains why persevering at running her own business is the right choice for her. 
WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?
Persevering may be the messy bit in between all we ever dreamed of and everything we’ve had to say goodbye to but at The Good Fail that is the best way to succeed. 
WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?
The Indie Roller
@keep_going_indieroller
A community for small, indie businesses packed with resources. Plus its unofficial motto is “Keep Going”.
SUPPORT THE SHOW
You can become an official supporter of the show by joining our Good Fail club on Patreon. Visit: www.patreon.com/thegoodfail
FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
If you're not tired of us yet, you can also find us in these social places:
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@thegood_fail
@pretty_messy_co
@merlemade_tales
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@merlemadetales
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p...

Today we're exploring who building resilience can help us feel more confident in our ability to cope with whatever life throws at us.
HOW DOES RESILIENCE DIFFER FROM PERSEVERANCE?
We reference Monty Python and Brene Brown as we discuss how much we need resilience in order to persevere but why relying on our resilience might not always be the best policy. 
WHY IS RESILIENCE IMPORTANT TO THE GOOD FAIL?
It may be a cornerstone of doing the good fail but we haven’t really acknowledged its importance until now and we go on to talk about how impossible it would be to keep going through the hard times without it. 
HOW CAN WE BE MORE RESILIENT? 
The good news is resilience can definitely be cultivated and we run through what steps we should take to build that resilience. But in a funny way it has more to do with letting down then building up. 
WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS? 
Resilience might just be our unsung hero and we’ll let you know why. 
WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK? 
Breathe Magazine
Issue 27 had a great article about resilience in it which gave us inspiration for this episode and is an all round brilliant slow living mag.
SUPPORT THE SHOW
You can become an official supporter of the show by joining our Good Fail club on Patreon. Visit: www.patreon.com/thegoodfail
FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
If you're not tired of us yet, you can also find us in these social places:
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@thegood_fail
@pretty_messy_co
@merlemade_tales
Facebook -
@thegoodfailers
@merlemadetales
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@thegood_fail
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@merlemadetales
The Web -
www.merlemadetales.com
MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL BY:
https://filmmusic.io "Dreamy Flashback" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Today we're discussing how society has taught us to value the revenge narrative over the redemptive one and how that might effect us in doing the Good Fail.
HOW DID WE COME UP WITH THIS TOPIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL?
It all started with a discussion about the ending of a TV series.
WHAT WAS THIS DRAMA THEN?
Gold Digger. It was about a rich, older woman meeting and falling in love with a younger man. Much mystery surrounds the young mans past and his intentions.
THAT SOUNDS NICE BUT WHERE IS THIS LEADING?
By the end of the series we were convinced that someone was going to commit murder. But the ending was more radical then that! Our female heroine instead practiced forgiveness.
BUT WHY WERE WE SO CONVINCED MURDER WOULD BE INVOLVED?
Popular culture has come to revere the revenge narrative. This has skewed out perspective. Gold Digger broke this convention, as did another recent TV series, I May Destroy You.
STILL DON’T QUITE SEE HOW THIS RELATES TO THE GOOD FAIL?
Our culture sees revenge as action based and forgiveness as passive. This relates to The Good Fail because a similar relationship plays out between success and failure. Success=active and meaningful. Failure=passive and out of our control.
IS THERE A WAY TO MAKE FAILURE A POWERFUL CHOICE?
How many of us are mean to ourselves when we fail? Instead of taking revenge on ourselves this way we could choose to forgive ourselves instead. 
WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?
Both forgiveness and failure are seen as being passive but there are examples of both being very powerful and full of the meaning we crave.
WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?
Gold Digger by Marnie Dickens 
I May Destroy You by Michaela Coel 
SUPPORT THE SHOW
You can become an official supporter of the show by joining our Good Fail club on Patreon. Visit: www.patreon.com/thegoodfail
FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
If you're not tired of us yet, you can also find us in these social places:
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@thegood_fail
@pretty_messy_co
@merlemade_tales
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@thegoodfailers
@merlemadetales
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@thegood_fail
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Today we want to ask whether our low self esteem is impacting on how well we can do the Good Fail? And what we can do to remind ourselves we're all awesome creations.
DOES LOW SELF ESTEEM EFFECT HOW WE DO THE GOOD FAIL?
Yes, self esteem does effect us doing the Good Fail.
HOW HAS LOW SELF ESTEEM EFFECTED US?
We definitely suffer from low self esteem and this has held us back from opportunities. There is an inner narrative that we will always fail that unconsciously shapes our reality.
SHALL WE INTRODUCE THE CONCEPT OF THE INNER CRITIC?
Tara Mohr’s book Playing Big calls this inner voice our Inner Critic and she has this to say about it: 
We don’t need to have had particular life experiences to develop a harsh inner critic. We’re hard wired for it. The inner critic is an expression of the safety instinct in us - the part of us that wants to stay safe from potential emotional risk - from hurt, failure, criticism, disappointment, or rejection by the tribe.
CAN WE EXPLORE THE LINK BETWEEN LOW SELF ESTEEM AND THE INNER CRITIC MORE?
The Inner Critic is motivated by keeping us safe from emotional pain and in doing so is happy for low self esteem to keep us from taking risks.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO BUILD UP OUR SELF ESTEEM BY GETTING RID OF THE INNER CRITIC?
It is unlikely we can get rid of it completely. Separating its voice from our own is vital and then we can work on building our self esteem.
WHAT CAN WE CONCLUDE FROM ALL THIS?
That by recognising and separating the voice of the Inner Critic from ourselves we can start to build our self esteem which is vital for failure.
WHAT’S OUR RECOMMENDATION FOR THIS WEEK?
Playing Big by Tara Mohr
Still working through this book but the work on the inner critic alone makes it worth reading.
SUPPORT THE SHOW
You can become an official supporter of the show by joining our Good Fail club on Patreon. Visit: www.patreon.com/thegoodfail
FIND US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
If you're not tired of us yet, you can also find us in these social places:
Instagram -
@thegood_fail
@pretty_messy_co
@merlemade_tales
Facebook -
@thegoodfailers
@merlemadetales
Twitter -
@thegood_fail
Pinterest -
@merlemadetales
The Web -
www.merlemadetales.com
MUSIC FOR THE GOOD FAIL BY:
https://filmmusic.io "Dreamy Flashback" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com) License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)